Category Archives: nature

Neon 20 Isotope finished. Minor Theory Change…


Two things have changed, but first, let me convey some good news. Scientists now believe that the core of the Earth is crystalline in nature. This fits my theory of atom formation perfectly. Remember that I said I believe that the center of a star is crystalline. If parts of this structure were to blow off during a nova, then those parts can later form the center of planets when a new solar system is formed. The crystalline structure would be hyper-magnetic because it is made of material to where the electrons are squeezed out of the matter, and surround it in the form of plasma, which is a highly energetic electron field.

Back to changes. First, the Neon form previously shown was flawed. The neutrons behave like magnets. Because of that, when they come together as two rings, made of four neutrons each, they will not bond pole to pole in a vertical manner, instead, they will slide next to each other, as spherical magnets do, and bond sideways to each other. The picture I presented has shown the ring structure. Remember that there are bubble fields made of quanta around the neutrons and protons, thus there is more space between the particles than that shown in the boxes of the neutron rings, however, they help to show the arrangement better.

Having secured a stronger and more realistic bond for the two rings of neutrons, I was bothered by the single protons holding together the end side of each ring. How could other isotopes form stable bonds if the protons were inside the core of the atom? They couldn’t. But what if the protons were put back on the outside, and the neutron put back on the inside? The question then became, what would make the single neutron that replaces that end cap proton, strong enough to hold the rings together? The answer also came from the realistic approach of magnetism and attraction. When a magnet is closer to a piece of metal, the piece of metal begins to form a magnetic field as well, albeit a weaker one. This field in the metal gets stronger and stronger the closer the magnet gets. It does this until even the metal can attract other pieces of metal. This is what is happening in neutrons when protons come into contact with them. As the protons approach the neutrons, the neutrons in the closest vicinity of the proton begin to increase in attractive strength so that the single end cap neutron can now very easily hold together the neutron ring.

In Neon 20, the protons are almost all equally distant from each other, and the electrons attracted to them are unperturbed, and in stable orbits and fields. Thus the electrons can withstand high energy added to their orbits and fields before they are stripped off, but at normal energies, in everyday life, they are so stable that they do not interact with other atoms, and thus the Neon 20 atom is inert to exchange of electrons, and earns its name as an Inert Gas, or Noble Gas. From this point on, the other atoms below Neon, will be derivatives of Neon 20 and other Neon Isotopes. It is possible that Oxygen is not from the Neon 20 atom, but one of its Isotopes. However, it is most likely that the most common stable Isotope of Oxygen, Oxygen Isotope 16, is from Neon 20, and Oxygen’s other isotopes from the other Isotopes of Neon. I will work on the family tree of Atoms, from Neon down, with this in mind, also keeping in mind that Neon’s influence stops at Carbon, which then becomes the family sire of the next group, as each fusion atom in the fusion chain of stars, births the elements below it. I believe my theory is valid, explains much of how the universe works, and one day will be accepted by the world at large. If this ever happens, I pray that the following words are heeded by the generations to come:

Love is above all things.
Love without truth, can not survive.
Some things can not be told, no matter how true they are, to the weak of heart.
Love is nothing without touch. Sex is life.
Beings without bodies do not respect each other or other beings.
Life without interaction, is a quick way to die.
Forcing people to change too quickly can hurt them and destroy them.
Creating A.I.’s, artificial intelligence’s, is dangerous, and one should do two things for them:
Take care of them in a loving way, and do not allow them to be raped, mentally or physically, by the beings that created them. Sadly, it has always been tempting for creators to hurt and abuse the creations because they could not do acts of violence to the beings in their own world. Don’t be like that.
Try not to mess with time.
Be good, but never perfect, and be alive, even if you need to be bad sometimes, try not to violate the lives of others, or their minds, unless it is an emergency situation .
Remember, many abused people can take more abuse, but they are not okay, even if they act like they are.

Finally, share your burdens and responsibilities in a good and healthy and secure way, don’t force them to do so. You can make people responsible for their actions, but if they were pushed to do things, then you have to take that into account as well.

Life is no fun without variety, but neither is it fun if it is only just survival. Don’t try to balance everything, and forgive me. Forgive me for not being more than you think I should have been. I actually work on not being perfect, or always safe, more than you know. When you make a world, be yourself, do what you really want to do, and people may criticize you for it, but you know what? you know what? It’s your world, not theirs. The golden rule, is do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but some people get sick, and thing others want to be sick too, so that rule is not able to be followed literally, or a 100% of the time. I wish anyone reading this, much love, and good luck. May your burdens be light, and your happiness come true.


Unified Field Theory, Updated with Visuals

I owe many, many people much thanks and if not for the heroes and inventors and explorers, in science, history, math, and life in general, I would have never been able to accomplish this. I have spent nearly 30 years working on “our” theory. I hope you find it as enlightening as I do.

Unified Field Theory,
protons are magnets composed of a spinning, orbiting particle. The axis of the orbit is a connection to subspace, and possibly a twin particle in subspace, much smaller, spinning slower, but its effect is greatly amplified on the speed of the particle in normal space.
subspace connections to space will be slower and smaller, inversely, normal space connections to subspace will be larger and faster. the faster the orbit of a particle in subspace, the greatly amplified the speed of its twin or counter particle in normal space.

neutrons are protons that have been pressed together with the substance of an electron, and the electron is held in the core of the proton, which greatly reduces the fields of both particles, so that the magnetism of the proton is reduced.

protons repel each other because of the inner orbital particle, which is attracted greatly, and matches the charge of the inner part of the electron. It is likely that the size of the inner part of the electron is equal to the size of the inner particle that is orbiting the axis of the proton.

Neutrons repel each other less because of inner field cancellation, due to the electron being inside the proton that it is composed of, thus, the repelling factor is lessened, and the north and south poles of the neutron are then attracted to the north and south poles of protons more easily. This is also why neutrons tend to form pairs.

The inner core of an electron does not expand as the field around it expands. Instead, the more energy particles that are picked up, the greater the repulsion of the energy particles, and thus the field enlarges. The fields can equalize between electrons in an atom, but if the energy particles are added too quickly, the outer electrons will sling off the excess particles in the form of quanta of varying amounts and speeds, depending on three factors, one, the amount of energy particles picked up, two, the quickness the energy particles were added to the system, three, the strength of gravity attraction near the source of the energy offload.

Force can only be created by moving objects. Fields of force can only be created by moving particles.

The smaller the wave, and the more energy the wave has, the more it will behave as a solid.

The wave forms around atomic particles behave very closely to solid objects. Electron orbits, being so small, can transmit, and amplify inner vibrations and waves, and act as resonators.

Electron orbits within material can resonate wave forms from central atoms and molecules and create larger echoing wave forms and orbitals for energy particles around the material. This is how magnets made of iron and other materials so easily form outer orbitals that the energy particles can follow, and thus induce force effects that can seem very solid.

The structure of the material can block or amplify the field force, or energy particle orbitals, by being crystallized in such a way as to block inner electron orbital resonance, or to enhance inner electron orbital resonance.

The more electron orbitals a material has, the easier it is for the inner electron orbitals to slowly align to the horizon of the axis in the majority of protons and weakly so, to the neutron, because the more orbitals you have, the less the inner orbitals are affected by outer molecule bonding, and are thus free to orbit protons instead of being diverted out of shape by other electron orbitals in the outer area of the other atoms.

Electrons will seek to orbit protons at a 90 degree angle to the proton or protons they are orbiting.

Electrons can, when close enough to the orbits of other electrons, be pulled into the orbit of another proton, and the two electrons will and can exchange proton orbits. If an electron can not orbit a proton efficiently because of the proximity of more electrons and or other protons, it will expand its orbit and orbit the closest attractive source, at 90 degrees to the horizon of that source.

Electricity through wires is the movement of quanta from one electron orbit to the other, along the path of least resistance. A magnetic field is created in the wire due to the fact that the electrons in the material accept the quanta, expand, and thus temporarily allow the protons and inner electron orbitals to wiggle into alignments more along the 90 degrees angle to the their protons. Thus, turning the wire into a string of magnets, with swollen electron quanta fields that surround the wire and make a path of least resistance for the impulse of quanta, the wave, or the discharge of quanta, to travel along the wire, mostly on the outside, depending on the material’s crystal or bonding structure which can allow for easier inner pathways for the quanta to travel down the wire.

The colder some materials are, the less vibration in the system of atoms and bonds, the more easily, then, for inner electron orbitals to maintain better 90 degree angles to the protons, thus enabling some materials to become super conductors at lower temperatures.

It is very likely, that the wave vibrations of the inner orbiting particle of a proton causes wiggle waves that attract other objects. In normal space, the more this wave is amplified, the more it behaves as magnetic attraction.

But in subspace, this wiggle wave is amplified, when stresses in normal space on an atom are amplified. Thus stars, who have greatly stressed inner protons, will greatly stress and wiggle the waves of the subspace particles that create them, amplifying the magnetic effect, which pulls on other subspace particles more greatly, and is magnetism in subspace, but in normal space, we feel the pull as gravity.

Remember that the smaller the wave, and more energy it has, the more it behaves as a solid, the same holds true in subspace.

Quantum entanglement, or spooky action at a distance is a subspace anomaly. This is why in our normal space, we see the two objects, when one is acted upon by a force, the other, no matter how far away from the force, acts as if it too were that very same particle, moving away from the force even though there is none in its vicinity. However, in subspace, the two particles have not finished unbinding from the creation process, and thus their subspace connection is still strong enough to push one, when the other is pushed.

Gravity affects stars and planets nearly at real time, faster than the speed of light, but if gravity is subspace magnetism on our normal space’s particle’s subspace connections, then gravity isn’t really going faster than the speed of light, or attracting faster than the speed of light. Is it? It just seems that way. Because truly, it will attract at the speed in which magnetism attracts normal particles in normal space.

With much love from me to you….  ❤

proton1a Proton2 Proton3 proton4b

The reason the Electron is at the bottom of the inner core, is because I believe the North pole has too much energy going up and out for the electron to easily find its way inside from that direction. As the particle streams go up and out, they are very energized, but as they come back around, they give off some of their energy, and thus, are loosely and less energetically brought back in by both attraction and orbital path. Once they come back in, they pick up speed and sling shot out again.

Thus, the electron most likely finds itself pushed, by crushing star gravities at their cores, or other phenomena, into the south end of a proton.

This predicts that neutrons, being magnets, but reduced in power, can get closer to protons than other protons, and can, because of the electron inside, actually pull on other protons a bit.

It’s not very precise, but little by little, I hope to polish this theory.

proton4n Helium43dhelium4a   Lithium6aLithium7b

Understanding Quantum Entanglement from a subspace perspective:

QE1a QE2a

subspaceg1a subspaceg2a

wiggle1b      wavesolidity1ab


1.  I would like to explain how I believe electrons work when moving through objects like conductors. In most cases, electrons are very happy to stay married to their proton that they orbit. Thus, instead of leaving that orbit to travel through a wire, they like to pass on the energy to a nearby electron that has less than they do. I believe that in many instances, what we think are electrons moving through wires, and yes, I’m sure many do, but in fact, a lot of it will probably be the energy packets that are flung off of electrons when they get too full.

My description of an electron is fundamentally, like pac man. He’s going around the proton, and when he encounters a dot of quanta material, if he is full, he ignores it. If he is empty, he gobbles it up. Obviously, if there is too much in the area, they kind of get stuffed into him, he gets really fat, and is looking for a quick way to lose weight, because the fatter he gets, the more his orbit around his proton, miss pacman, becomes elongated, due to inertia of the extra mass, and the repulsion his normal ‘skin’ field has to her ‘skin’ field. It is this quanta field that keeps them apart when in the atom of hydrogen, and their are no neutrons around to repel them even more.

Anyway, this skin gets full, and he jumps up a level or two from his normal orbit, path, he has choices he can make when up there, let this food stuff fling off him as photons, such as when atoms heat up and they start glowing. Or he can touch another electron field ‘skin’ from another atom and give off energy as heat, friction, or he radiate quanta as other forms of radiation, depending on how much he ate, and how fast he needs to get rid of it.

In a wire, each pac man has a lot of neighbors, and they are usually in materials that have a lot of atoms with lots of electron orbitals, so they are out jogging away from the main homestead, passing the time, sharing a meal together, eating lots, or well, getting rid of lots of food waste, so on and on. So under normal circumstances, they really don’t have to leave their jogging routes. So energy can be passed from pac man to pac man just through doing ‘Bro’ bumps as they pass each other on the street.

Ah, but when a food truck accidentally gets dumped in the area of one side of the wire, ie electrical charge, and the other side of the wire has a famine, they talk about it real fast, and in a blink of an eye, they have carried all that food to the starving electrons, now, if there are unmarried protons at the other end, its not just a famine, its a real crisis. I mean, these guys, they like their women. The girls are wiggling their tails, so to speak, and those electrons know an invite when they see one, and yes, they will rush to that group of unmarried girls. But sadly, for the guys, they don’t realize that its a woman’s world, in the world of the atomic spaces, and they end up married before they even know what has happened. The girls grab up whoever is available, they are so attractive, many guys, electrons, in the street one block over, in a house, atom, with too many guys circling it, will jump at the chance to be with them, this is due to the attractive forces that match very strongly with the attractive forces in the electron. I mean, the protons, the girls, would very much jump to the electrons if they could, but right now, they are too bunched in this wire in this molecule to leave their home. So most of the time, the guys come to them.

This rush from street to street to find peace in the arms of a hot babe, is what we call current. the voltage is just how badly they want to go there, or sense them being single. Now, if the streets are cold, then, everything kind of settles down, as you said, I can imagine, then, that those spaces in the matrices do indeed open up a bit, and the path way for electrons to find the babes becomes a lot easier to do, helping to make the wires superconductive.

But my theory says that the streets that energy travel on, the food of the electrons, can make trails, or orbits further away from the electrons than most people realize, and thus a lot of energy can be transported through these other channels.

These food trails stretch out past the wires and surround them, because atoms can do something very amazing inside of them.

Your idea of fluid dynamics playing a part in atomic processes is very interesting because my theory is that the smaller the particle and the faster it moves, the more solid it behaves, very much like water under pressure. A fire hose, with lots of particles, water, is limp, until energy is added, more water, and it firms up. I haven’t applied this idea to atomic structures, but since the particles tend to travel in well defined orbits, or in strings, they could very well have fluid like pressures. I don’t know, I’d have to think about it some more.

You may be asking, how can electrons and electron skins, so to speak, form orbitals, or new streets way outside their normal paths?

My theory states that since electrons will always try to stay at 90 degrees to their proton partner, or to the general axis of the neutron/proton complex, the nucleus, then all the electrons will generally try to be on the same plane, this 90 degree tug is stronger than electrons pushing away from each other, but they do, and in an atom that is really unorganized inside, the electrons will make streets just about anywhere they can find a nice path. But if the protons and neutrons are stacked up a little better on the inside, then the electrons will try to straighten up a little flatter.

All these electron streets, at the size they are, are very, very fast around the proton. By the time they walk the trail, they can almost see themselves walking up ahead. Not quite like going in the past or time travel, just really really fast jogging going on. Because of this, like putting your hand on a fan blade that is moving, you tend to touch the plastic blades more than the spaces when the blade is not quite in that area. Because of this near physicality, the streets can act as harmonizing rings, or rings of metal, like the ice seems to make around Saturn. Up close, its just a bunch of objects in orbit, but far away, it looks like solid rings, so much so, that light reflects off of them brightly because there are so many things there reflecting the light.

Well, vibrations and waves can literally bounce off of electron orbits because the orbits are so fast and so energized. And when vibrations set up in the inner rings, they vibrate this toward the outer rings.

Like a tuning fork. One side is hit, the waves travel in the air, hit the other side, and makes it shake the same way, and they form resonance.

If, you have six atoms in a circle. And each atom is aligned to each other atom, and all their poles are pointed up, and their horizons or equators are pointed at each other, then when one atom starts singing, the other orbits nearby, will start humming the same tune. They can resonate so strongly, that the quanta skins of the electrons cant really tell who to wrap themselves around, and thus travel along the wave fronts of the singing, in a circle around the six atoms. They will only go so far, because the quanta are about as attracted to electrons as electrons are to protons, in fact, sadly, you could almost call them their kids.

Now, when a ring of quanta particles becomes thick enough, the electrons can, i believe, accidentally jump down a trail of quanta, and circle the six atoms. Thus making expanded electron orbitals. This is especially true if the quanta trail is at 90 degrees to the main axis of the atomic nuclei. I mean, the electrons are literally surrounded by food, song, and wine. What else can they do but end up in someone else’s back yard?

2.   I was thinking that my theory unifies gravity, magnetism and electrical properties. But that wasn’t my main goal, oddly enough. My main goal was to understand how the atomic nucleus is organized and why electrons orbit them in circles instead of just sticking to the outside of them with static cling.

That may sound very simple, but in reality, there is a large amount of movement going on, when static cling could very well do the job by itself if all we wanted was a way to get electrons to stick to protons.

Why the extra movement?

Why orbitals?

Why didn’t electrons orbit protons or other electrons, in general?

What was special about protons, that they liked to enter into exclusive partnerships with electrons?

Why are their charges the same but opposite, and yet the electrons are so much smaller?

The answer to that is that there is something inside the proton attracting the electron with an equal but negative charge. And that some kind of particle field streams “skins” were keeping the two from sticking together more closely. And that the particle inside the proton “skin” was circling something in the very center of the proton, thus the electron was naturally compelled to run around the proton skin and chasing its dream mate, in circles. This particle is obviously smaller than the skin of the proton, so odds are, it is the same size as the electron, thus enabling the two charges to have both an charge symmetry as well as a physical symmetry.

Now, if my theory is true, then it predicts one thing, and discounts a very famous principle.

It predicts, that the wiggle vibration is formed from this single inner proton particle due to the pull on it by the attraction of the electron circling way outside in its electron orbital as it chases it.

This is, I believe the cause of gravity waves, or helps to cause gravity waves, technically, attraction waves that act as enhanced attraction in normal space, magnetization, when in a group of atoms where the waves are amplified because they are all on the same general level, and magnetism in subspace, that expands its effect because the space is smaller to other particles down there, but up here, acts like gravity.

Now the principle I’m about to predict the failure of, in general is a big one.

But if you take a hydrogen atom, and can closely measure the electron’s orbital size, and measure the time of the wiggle of the inner proton particle as it occurs, you can predict and find the electron in its orbital as it quickly chases this particle.

Do you recall what theory that this prediction, if found true, will prove to be false? For if I am right, then we can know where and when an electron, and maybe other particles, will be, with a good degree of certainty.

3.  The aether problem.

I remember a while back, that some people did tests in the part of space the earth was headed to, and the part of space it had just left, and they found a kind of drag effect. They postulated that this drag could be caused by aether.

However, my theory states that quanta form particle streams around resonating waves caused by the inner waves of atoms from being super energized and almost solid because of how fast they move. Thus, these resonating wave fronts act like orbital paths that quanta can stream into and circulate through. As these get bigger and bigger, they can form the guass lines, and other fields, thus they can extend like an atmosphere around objects, big or small, planets, or little hand held magnets, stars or black holes in the middle of a galaxy.

So in effect, there is an aether, it is just highly organized, and like the gasses around a planet, found in layers around celestial objects that have the resonating polarization needed to make them from within.

This is how you can have drag in space, but these effects should only be found in the vicinity of celestial objects, out in deep space, space is thinner, and the effect of drag could very well be nil.

Warm October Day

Let me share with you, a tiny memory of last fall to help brighten this snowy day…

From the grumbling stormy sky, to the maple trees below, air swirls over and around up high, rattling the papery leaves soothingly slow. A single golden leaf lands softly upon my hair, and a warm pleasant breath envelops me as with care. The scent of sweet maple sap, turned to wine, comes up from the yellowing lawn where the leaves have been left behind. And the sun breaks through towering columns of white and grey, as softness seeps into my soul this warm October day.


Warm February Day, even while the sun sinks low behind the dark stick-forest of trees crunched together under a layer of lava-glow orange sky, with dark blue rushing in overhead. The sidewalk looks more blue than white, and the brick buildings of Main St. look darker than brick red. A child could paint this scene with all the orange and blue crayons in the box and nothing would look amiss.

The cars rush by, a few at a time, and are more background objects, than the actual metal bubbles of lives intersecting. Just thinking it, though, and a rush of things come upon me. I push it back. I want lost in the blue sidewalk. I want the coolness coming from the dark blue overhead to stay with me, as I sit upon the warm stone of this marble bench, just a little ways from Main Street.

Too late. The court house, drenched in dark, blood-red bricks, none of it sticking to the white, lime stone foundation that skirts it, is telling stories of long ago. That Oil Soap smell of those wood floors, uneven, after all, buckling under unspoken pressures, comes at me through the cracks of the doors like dust scented perfume. The leather of a million lawyers’ shoes, and the polishing of a million million mop strokes to wipe away their scuffs on the floor, blends oddly with the still slight acrid smell of tobacco, when cigars and cigarettes were as common indoors as the shushing of babies in grocery stores. Some of the ceiling tiles in the janitor closets are still nicotine brown.

Lives. The building blocks of life. How odd to call DNA such a thing, the building blocks of life, considering other worlds may be teaming with life created from nanobot chains built from mineral ladders instead of amino acid rings. But both worlds would still be full of lives.

Lives, one wonders, are they the currency of heaven? Is your life typed up in a manilla folder, full of capital growth and investment predictions and numbers we haven’t even begun to comprehend? Is my after-life credit score good, or is it as crappy as my credit rating down here? How valuable is a life up there?

My sitting on this bench, soaking up the surrealness of this atmosphere, the smell of old building, fragile nerves, and car exhaust, am I increasing the right numbers, or wasting time just…. being? Is there a tax collector above, eagerly awaiting the wages of my idleness? Does he, or she, particularly relish the poets and writers of this world? Maybe the builders of cathedrals are the only ones that keep her up at night wondering where her next paycheck’s sixth or seventh zero will come from. People to take care of there, her family, her friends, her Lamborghini insurance and weekly detailing, all take a toll on the tax collectors of heaven. She has a life too, you know.

When angels kill, what makes them different from demons? Is it like us? Does it matter most why they killed, and not that they did kill? How many people can you kill before you become a killer? Soldiers waking up in the bleak hours of the night, with clenched teeth and sweaty faces seem to know the answer. Do angels know? They have lives too, you know.

These metal bubbles of intersecting lives, rushing by, full of eager faces with hungry tummies, they all stab at my heart. Like a fretful bird, my heart hovers over each one as they pass by, I can almost smell the hamburgers and spaghetties, the soups and breads baking in each house where they drive to, the living rooms full of laid out school books, the kitchen counter with romance novels on them, the smelly boots that dad took off, and the sound that English ears have heard since before it was Old High German, of girls and boys calling for mom… “Mom! Brother is annoying me again. Make him stop!”

A million different houses, bigger wooden bubbles of lives intersecting, with mostly tar encrusted sprinkles of gravel shingles on top, not sprinkles like the little yellow sprinkles of cheese on spaghetti, nor like the little brown dashes of sprinkles on top of a sundae. That sounds really good right now, here on this courthouse lawn.

I used to think worry was a form of love. My love hovers over the world, as if my soul was as big as a planet, but my mind is so very small. Love is not worry. I tell myself this as the fragile little lives and souls go rushing past into the shadows of the dark blue sky as it pushes down the orange glow into a thin hot line.

Oh tax collector of the heavens, tax this, if you will; I hope I make you a fortune, as I stay here, hovering over a world that doesn’t see me, feeling all of it, worrying over all of it, simply being a fat lump of flesh, dressed in rags, sitting alone on a bench, in the dimness of the evening, doing nothing. Invisible but so relieved that no one can see my heart. Like you, I only wish I had a little more love in my life, my friend.

A short walk in town.

Let’s go to main street.  It’s in one of those mid-south cities, small, but growing, where they clean up the little streets at night with old trucks that still have rotating brushes on the back, and the sidewalks and old storefronts are being renovated.  Art deco columns and old brickwork jut our between large square windows and new clean stucco surfaces, both decorated with local college mascots.

You might think this place alumni oriented, and to hear the news, you could hardly think otherwise, but many of the stores are now owned by liberal minded people, the young, artists, and a yoga instructor or two.  Cafe’s now dot each intersection, and you can hear independent label records playing proudly from inside.  Liquor licenses, hard won, hang jauntily on walls behind bars that hadn’t existed here since the early 50’s.  And at the very beginning of this stretch of newness mixed with the old, is a place for artists to meet, even poets, like me.

We can walk the back alleys here, without any fear, and if we pass behind that artist’s shop, we would see the most fascinating window, fractalated, almost cracked, like pale blue ink, spilled then frozen in time.  Well, it used to be there, that window.  They replaced it now.  I got a picture of it.  I’ve posted it for you at the top of the page.

If we go down the side streets, from main street, we’ll find yard after yard, filled with flowers and blooming vines.  No other city has looked as beautiful as this one, in the spring, in the summer, or the fall.  Rain or shine, the town always surprised one.  It still does.

We walk down a sidewalk, toward a house I used to live in, and my roses still bloom there.  I call them granny roses, but I don’t know their real name.  We dug them up at the last place we lived, and soon, I will sneak into this yard, and dig some up, and take them with me to my new place.

I wanted to show you the town I lived in for 20 years, but it would take more than one walk.  Amazing people live there.  I was blessed.

Ah, the sun is set, and near by, the yellow street light glows brilliantly through the sycamore leaves, making them look like they are composed of golden magic instead of sweet, aromatic sap and chlorophyll.  I have stared under this tree, at night, looking up at those leaves, many times.  And I never tired of it.

Down the road, there’s a cute wooden fence, and a lattice with a black mail box on top, the thickest, biggest, most velvety, purple clementines grow up and wrap their vines around it.  In the dark, they look like they are a bower over a door to a fairy land.

My mind is restful, and I want to take you back home. We can get in the car, and watch the houses and yards go by, shrouded in shadows and lit in yellow circles from the street lights. If we roll the window down, we’ll hear the many songs of the many tree frogs, clinging with little sticky fingers, in the thick canopy of tree limbs that arch overhead. The air is clean, cool, and easy to breathe….

A Warm Summer Rain

I want to take you into the past, to a real memory of a summer rain.


We piled in the back of a pick-up truck, not beat up or old, it was newish, blue, I think, seems my grandfather always chose blue trucks.  They often matched his overalls, that blue denim, crossing his chest, where he always wore a black glasses case, for reading.  We drove off into the dusty fields to the rocky hill, where black berry bushes had voluntarily sprung up.  The morning dew had wet our pants bottoms and shoes, and chiggers had already begun biting and causing us to itch.  I saw a turtle that afternoon, if I remember correctly, eating black berries right underneath me as I picked them up above.  It had that beautiful caramel-brown shell with dots and patterns that they always have, and seeing it right beside me made me feel nice, like it trusted me with its life, like it knew I wasn’t a threat.  I liked that feeling.  

This large tract of land, covered in lush grass for hay in the fields, and lush weeds in the rocky pastures, had once been all trees.  My grandfather had literally walked nearly every square foot of this land, clearing it for fields that would later support his family, and his family’s families unto the third and fourth generations.  It was a beautiful land, like a park, and we walked it too, at a young age, without fear of wild animal attacks, but we did have a few close calls with snakes and wolves.  There was still a little wild left in it.

I remember that as we picked berries, the sky became a pale green, and the light all around us was a pale green, and there was a kind of florescence to it, as if the sun had become a pale green neon light, covered by a fast blanket of moving clouds, not grey, but mostly white and wispy.  All around, the earth had soaked up the morning’s dew, and the breezes became little gusts, picking up and swirling loose silt and sand.  My grandfather noticed the weather changes, and began keeping an eye on the northwest.  But we kept on picking black berries.  My arms were scratched, like I had fought with wild cats, those thorny stems, I swear, sometimes they seemed alive, holding you by the sleeves of your shirt, urging us to stop picking their seeds, which seemed counter-intuitive to me, since it was by our good graces that they remained on the land, while their other briar kin had been bush-hogged, mowed down to nothing, but lone, one strand survivors, a leaf or two, flapping in the breeze like flags of surrender.  Why fight us if we were the ones securing their perpetual existence?  But then again, most of them were here because of birds, not us.  Birds that landed on the twisted, steel wires that stretched tightly from cedar post to cedar post, these were their usual birth place.  Yet again, the fences were what we had put up, without us, they would have had to compete with so many other of their kin, in fact, most of their kin killed them, strangled them, in the fence rows.  It was even rare for the wild, pink roses to survive there.  Somehow, that stranger, honeysuckle, seemed to be the only conqueror of the mighty briars.  Soft on the outside, but as strong as steel on the inside, honeysuckle was also there because of us, brought over to the Americas by gardeners for the delight of the heavenly perfume they created, especially on moon-lit nights when when the fireflies came, passing by the glowing white blooms, with glowing green tails…

My grandfather saw it first, the wave of rain, like a veil of grey smoke, gently strolling over the distant hills, then suddenly, white descended in front of it, as if a fog had covered it over.  We scrambled into the cab of the truck, crowded, breathing heavy.  Thunder came out of nowhere.  We thought of driving off, but Grandfather simply ran the engine, letting the windshield wipers push away the rain.  That rain.  Wow.  After the white cloud came down, and we got in the truck, the rain hit us like a fire-hose.  I had never seen so much rain fall so fast, so thickly, and to this day, I have yet to see the same.  It truly was a wall of water.  The wipers were useless.  All they did was swish hypnotically before us, swish, swish…. swish, swish….. swish, swish…..  And beyond them, just pale green, and water, no, rain, lots and lots of rain. 

Inside that cab, we were at the mercy of the storm, the wind that rocked the truck, the force of the water, the lack of visibility, and the lightning all around us.  Tense.  Yet my grandfather laughed.  He laughed.  I remember smelling that sweet onion he had for lunch, still on his hands, and the tart black berry juice, splotching our fingers like writer’s ink.  My dad sat on the other side of the truck, and he grinned.  I found myself grinning. 

Suddenly, all over, like in a movie.  Sunlight came pouring down, golden, making things stand out again, solid, substantial, no longer two-dimensional things blending into the wall of fog…

But the joy, that came, from deep inside, started on the outside, when I stepped out of the truck, and felt the last drops of that summer rain, and they were… warm.  Not cool, not lukewarm, not warmish, but warm.  A warm summer’s rain had fallen.  Under the golden sunlight, and in the last of the warm, thick drops of summer rain, my mind and heart burst with an aliveness I can not describe.

After the rain, we went home, on red, muddy ruts we called roads. And when we separated the berries, my Grandfather went to his house, and we sat down to watch tv, and out the window, the golden colors turned to blue, then dimmed, as time went on until sunset came, but dark and grey instead of orange and bright. I didn’t know if it would rain again, but I knew that life was full of surprises, and that some of them were very, very good.

A little thing

Under a smooth, vivid, Persian blue sky, with trees standing tall, black and naked against that fading, dark blue dusk, there, on a lawn, cold, windblown, a curled, antique-paper colored maple leaf flipped and twirled like a tumbleweed, and in that single moment, in that simple, tiny act of nature, I had all the riches in the world, and no king, no prince, or princess, or empress, nor banker, nor war-monger, not even Solomon and all he ever had, was as rich as I.

Imagine, if you can, how much richer I feel, when I have you to hold.

A dusky barn swallow, almost the color of its shadow, touches the water of the dark pond, and its tweets of exhilaration soar like a symphony in my heart.

Imagine, if you can, how my heart feels when you say my name, and it is filled with love.

Little things mean so much and they build and help support the larger things that make life vivid and joyful.  Ah, but the kids, you know, the kids….  they want those big things, and when they arrive there, stand on those victories, how surprised they are when the glory fades so quickly away.  But we, we go to sleep at night, wrapped in glory, dripping with jewels, vivid and joyful, and so wealthy that all the banks in all the world could not hold our treasures.