What Love Is worth…

When I was shaking at the doctor’s office, full of fear and doubts, and voices, the doctor put a hand on my back, and comforted me before the ambulance came,

When I lost 10 pounds, in sweat, waiting in the emergency room, and a woman came in and stayed over time, finding me a good place to be sent to, instead of a state institute,

When I was in another ambulance, being taken to the mental care institute, and the technicians were calm and respectful, and held my bed in place when I was bumped around on my way to the care center,

When I checked in, and the nurses comforted me, trying to figure out what had happened to me, and gave me something to eat after hours, talking to me with motherly love,

When I was taken to a room, and my roommate was calm and thoughtful, and offered to share things with me, and to leave the light on if I needed it,

When I was attacked in my own mind by things I could not see, and seemed like an angel protecting me,

When every day after, a calm voice lead me through this, day after day, saying, hold on, hold on, wait, wait, you are loved,

When the screams come, and I ask God to quiet them, and they fade away in my mind,

All of this, beginning on 2011, November 11th.  When I attacked the occult world, and even today, 2014, January, 22nd, as I write this, silent to them,  in a restaurant, the group of kids that came in earlier sit all around me in a large group spouting things about the Illuminati, and occult, as if it is an every day word or something everyone talks and jokes about, and I feel attacked and mocked for holding on to God, and inside, a voice says, wait, wait, wait, and that it loves me and that things will get better, and I sit in a strange kind of surreal calmness,……

In the little things, I know what love is worth.


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